Acting
by Spnchick09
Summary: He's told himself that he did the right thing. He married her. After all, she'd given birth to his son. It's not the right thing, though, when you're completely in love with someone else. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own 7th Heaven, nor do I own anything affiliated with it.

**Author's Note: **This is an idea that just kind of stuck with me. The entire piece is Martin's thoughts. It's pretty short compared to all the one-shots I've written before, but trying to make it longer would draw it out too long.

* * *

He opened his eyes, allowing himself to adjust to the area around him. It was still dark out, and the clock beside him glowed 1:49. He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and fingers. He rolled over onto his back, and heard her shift in the bed.

He looked over to the lump beside him, and grunted. He raised his left hand, watching the gold band on his ring finger catch the moonlight and shimmer. Sighing, he lowered his arm and looked towards the ceiling.

Aaron was almost six years old now. He'd married almost three years ago, and the woman next to him was obviously his wife.

Sandy.

She'd given birth to his son. He'd felt an obligation to marry her, forcing himself to believe that he loved her. Every night since their wedding, however, he'd wake up and have a night to himself, thinking about why he'd truly married her.

As if giving birth to his offspring wasn't enough, she'd taken his virginity. He'd always promised to lose himself to his wife, so didn't it make sense?

Of course not, he would tell himself. None of this made sense.

He felt her sigh in her sleep, and closed his eyes. Every night, he'd listen to her while she slept. He'd cringe when she would drape an arm across him. He'd feel nauseous when she'd awaken and tell him she loved him. Of course, he'd reply with the common "I love you, too," but he never meant it. He'd stare off into space, thinking of the woman he'd left behind when he married Sandy. He'd drift off into sleep, thinking of the pain she'd gone through when he'd announced his engagement. He'd dream of her, and wake up in the morning, ready to begin his day with her on his mind.

Ruthie.

God, he loved her. Had he not been so stupid, he'd be with her tonight. Sandy, however, was the woman occupying the other half of his bed.

2:12.

When they married, he'd said "I do" as though it was a part of a speech he had to recite. To Sandy, it was enough to just say the two words. For her, meaning behind them wasn't necessary. He heard Aaron get up and walk to the bathroom, shutting the door. He smiled to himself. He loved Aaron, ironically. Sandy, however, wasn't associated with the word 'love.'

2:16.

She rolled over, pulling on his left arm and holding onto it like a teddy bear.

He rolled his eyes, trying to tug it away. He found it impossible, however, so gave up. He heard Aaron return to his bed, and sighed.

God, he missed her.

Ruthie. The young brunette that had stolen his heart years ago. He hadn't seen her since the wedding, he realized. She'd never looked so hurt or upset with him before. He'd felt horrible, but assured himself he was doing the right thing.

Marrying someone that gave birth to your child? It could be the right thing.

When your heart had been taken by someone completely different, however, it proclaimed itself completely and utterly wrong, no matter how much you tried to deny it.

He sighed, rolling over and leaving his back to her. He tugged his arm from her grasp, and pulled it back in front of him.

He knew, however, that tomorrow he'd do the same thing. He'd wake up, greet her with a smile and a kiss, and hop into the shower, washing away the guilt and remorse he'd held within for years. No matter how hard he scrubbed, however, he couldn't rid his thoughts. Divorce was an option. However, he'd tell himself that it could cause an unhealthy relationship with Aaron, so he stuck with her.

He'd dress, and head over to the high school, where he was a chemistry teacher and the baseball coach. He'd go throughout his day, teaching high school students and coaching young boys, and he'd return home, again greeting Sandy with a kiss. The family of three would eat dinner, and then he'd help Aaron with his homework, help Sandy with dishes, and go to bed. He and Sandy may share a romantic evening, where'd he'd imagine that he wasn't with her, but another woman.

The young couple would fall asleep, and he'd wake up tomorrow night, going through the same thoughts and scenarios in his head as he did every night.

His life wasn't filled with surprise. It didn't have meaning. It was merely a routine that he followed, one that he refused to differ from for fear of encouraging her.

In three months, he'd be a father to his newborn daughter. Now, he knew, he was in deep. He could've not married her. He could've just been a part in Aaron's life, but not gotten romantically involved with Sandy. He could be marrying Ruthie now. He could be telling her he loved her.

But he'd screwed everything up. Everything, now, was his fault. He'd ruined a chance at a relationship with Ruthie, a chance at finding true love...everything had been messed up by him.

2:37.

He sighed, closing his eyes. He began to dream of Ruthie, and began to toss and turn in his sleep. He felt Sandy wake him up and ask if he was okay. He assured her he was.

2:59.

Martin was doing everything in his power to remain inconspicuous as to where his heart truly lied, and it wasn't as hard as he thought it could've been.

He would be a father of two in three months. Their mother was a woman whom he respected, yet didn't love. None of it would change.

Nothing would ever change.

And the truth would never be revealed.

He was faking it. His entire life was one never-ending play.

He was only acting.


End file.
